THE HONEYMOON IS OVER, I'M AFRAID
This parenting gig is quite a humbling thing sometimes. There are times when it seems that just as we figure out how to do it, the how changes on us. The school transition went beautifully at first, and Mali was truly happy. This week, she has started not wanting to go, and it's hard. However, she is still happy when I pick her up. Yesterday when I asked her what she liked about school that day, she enthusiastically said, "everything!" She is making new friends and learning, the two things she was most excited about. The hardest part for me is that the things she argues against are things that I agree with her on! I agree that she shouldn't have to go all day long. I agree that she should have more time at home. So, it's hard for me to convince her otherwise.
Our kids' vulnerability in some ways feels like an extension of our own. I know we still have it much easier than a lot of parents do. We have just dealt with some complaints these last two days at drop off time -- not tears and not tantrums. But even the mild complaints make me pause. They make me wonder - do kids just get numb to this? Do parents? Am I robbing her of something by sending her to school all day everyday at age 5? All I can do for the moment is remember how happy she seems at the end of the school day. And I've come up with lots of excuses for why she's resisting: she's got a cold and doesn't feel well, she hurt her knee at recess and is obsessing over the pain of it, she thinks Greta and I are doing all kinds of fun things without her. But when it comes down to it, it's just a long day for her.
Update: Mali's doing fine. She's not thrilled about the drop off still, and she makes periodic comments about how she would rather stay at home. However, she always comes home happy at the end of the day and says she had a good day.
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10 comments:
katie,
i know
i know
i know.
this is a huge part of my angst. all of micah's tears and complaints are my private ones too.
so, i begin and end each day reminding myself that WE HAVE OPTIONS. to cash in on some of them would mean an incredible life change, but still they are options.
i feel like crying when i think of kids getting numb.
i put a photo in their lunch box every day to remind them of the outside. i've doubted doing this because i don't want to make them sadder, but maybe it de-numbs them for a moment.
oh, love to you.
I understand your fear...and I do everything I can to try and be positive....we have chosen this way for a reason....and there are always other options....though those will also have honeymoons and pain.
Wishing you well.
Jen CD
I can't speak with too much knowledge because I haven't been there, and my heart goes to you.
but.
I see Riley in 5th grade and the opportunities he has - swimming, drama, academic team - and how much he enjoys it despite the box they put him in.
And I see how desperately Roy and I try to remove that box.
And somewhere in there, Riley's personality is developing and he is making his own decisions. And he constantly surprises me with his wisdom.
And on top of what AM said (from a teacher's point of view), teachers are getting to know Mali and learning her styles and will help her learn and experience based her personality, creating a positive learning environment for her. (I'm sorry to sound like such a teacher nerd about this... it's my life, you know).
angus went through real difficulty adjusting to school, both of his kindergarten years (and that was only 2.5 hours/day!). but it was almost as if the transition time of saying goodbye, going into the school, was the hardest, and then he seemed to have good days. so that made it easier. but never easy, exactly. i've had doubts, but in the end school has been such a good thing for both kids, so far, i'm glad we perservered. keep following your gut as much as possible. you'll know what's best for mali!!! i know you will. love, carrie
I can't speak from experience, but the other day my mom said "When they start kindergarten, you lose all control." I think she meant that that's when your kid discovers the wider world and that mom and dad don't know everything. She didn't necessarily say that's a bad thing, though.
It's a big adjustment, obviously, but she'll make it through, and so will you.
Some days I think I can't wait for Daniel to be in Kindergarten so he'll be out of my hair for a few hours per day. I'm awful, I know. But I also know that I'll cry (and I never, ever cry) and miss him and wonder if he's all right.
I'm rambling here, I know. So here's basically what I'm saying: kids are tougher than you think. I was extremely shy and vulnerable as a young child, and I survived as a happy, relatively well-adjusted adult. With parents like you and Mark, I can't imagine that Mali won't be fine. It's a huge adjustment is all.
Oh my. I experienced some of this last year with Ella beginning preschool, and I know how hard this can be. I'm so thankful that Mali has you and Mark to parent her through this transition. And know that I'm thinking of you all.
Dear Katie,
Your (and Mark's) love and respect for your children is so evident. Thinking of you as I also wonder whether the decision we've made is right--but pressing forward, too, in good faith. The love, hope and creativity you and Mali share will surely see you through this time of uneasiness.
thanks, everyone for your support! we're getting to a restful place with it all.
Oh Katie,
I so agree. As a past kindergarten teacher I think whole day kindergarten is too much. They are small for such a tiny amount of time. The days when they can spend all day playing are too few. There are so many years for book learning. Hang in there...you aren't alone.
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